American Idol: Our Top 24

Well, that was quite a two weeks in Hollywood.

The group sing week was about as dramatic as a viewer could hope for, and I lost some real favorites, including Rob Bolin (he of Chelsea and Rob, the “exes”), and Emily Anne Reed and that Caleb kid. Ashley Sullivan positioned herself as Most Likely To Actually Commit Suicide On The Idol Stage, and Clint the Junebug became one of America’s Most Hated. Fabulous.

This week we brought the top 50 or so to Vegas, to Cirque de Soleil’s Beatles stage, to sing The Beatles in duets or trios. There’s a Rodney Dangerfield joke in there somewhere. Some of it is great, some of it is hideous, and best of all, we get to see Jimmy Iovine and his entourage, which is everything I had dreamed it could be.

There are more brutal cuts here, and we are down to, well, I’m not sure exactly because no matter what Ryan says it always looks like there are 100 people in the “holding room.” Then everyone gets one more chance to solo for the judges, in an airplane hanger (are we still in Vegas?), and we don’t see much of that, and then it’s cut time to get to 24.

We are back to 12 boys and 12 girls. I hate that.

So Chris Medina takes a fall, and in what might be the most embarassingly self-obsessed moment in history (well, since Marie Antoinette, anyway), JLo turns his rejection into something about her, and sobs so hard her eyelashes might fall off. I need to learn that celebrity tissue-dabbing technique. It really is something.

So Randy and Steven take a few moments to tell her how well she crushed that poor kid’s dream, but she is inconsolable and they need to take a break. Meanwhile, Chris heads back to wherever he’s from to continue singing in crappy bars and taking care of his semi-vegetative fiance. Really, JLo? Really? This is just gross.

But she is able to soldier on, eyelashes intact, and they deliver happy news and sad news and happy news and sad news, spread over two nights and four hours, and I lose some more favorites and disagree with some of these decisions, and in the end, we have this:

Boys

• Clint Ju Gamboa, AKA Junebug, the karoake master who slayed Jaycee on group night.
• Paul McDonald, who I never saw until The Beatles night, who has sort of a Kenny Loggins quirky vibe and an interesting voice. He won’t last.
• Robbie Rosen, 16, he might go far.
• Tim Halperin, no idea.
• Scotty McCreery, 16 with the deep country voice. Buh-bye.
• Jovany Barreto, can’t stand this guy – he is everything I dislike about modern Top 40 music.
• Jordan Dorsey, the really nice piano teacher with the really nice voice and the really nice vibe.
• Stefano Langone, he is just like Jovany.
• Jacob Lusk, oversinger extraordinaire – ugh.
• James Durbin, Lambert 2.0 with great back story (autism, Tourette’s, poor)
• Casey Abrams, my new favorite and the one I shall make my first bold prediction with: he will win.
• Brett Loewenstern: 16. I would not have kept him. I would’ve taken that Colton kid instead. But they wanted to keep the Glee vibe going.

Girls

• Naimi Adedapo, gorgeous, can sing, great backstory.
• Haley Reinhart, over sings – expendable blonde.
• Ashton Jones, gorgeous, can sing.
• Karen Rodriguez, one of many brunettes.
Tatynisa Wilson, eh.
• Julie Zorilla, the very over-rated Colombian.
• Lauren Turner, no idea.
• Rachel Zevita, the girl representative of quirky. We’ll see.
• Kendra Chantelle, expendable blonde.
• Lauren Alaina: 16 (15 when she started), a rocker; might be headed for Dr. Drew early.
• Pia Toscano: she is good friends Karen Rodriguez; beautiful, can sing.
Thia Megia: 15-year-old. I’m not sure why this kid bugs me but she does. I would’ve picked the girl who was turning 25. Far more interesting personality. Plus she has tried out 7 times, if she won, what a story that would be …

So here we go America. Time to start voting next week. Boys are on Tuesday, girls on Wednesday, results on Thursday. So much Idol, so much time.

The Amazing Race: Unfinished Business: Flag on the Play

Here's the thing about second chances: They often come with lots of conditions. Like ... I"ll take you back, but ... Or, here's your license, but ... Or, We'll give you the money to rebuild the house, but ...

Which is why all the crap that Phil tacked onto the start of this season of Amazing Race last night was so awesome. Because those 11 returning teams - folks who had blown a chance to win somehow in a past season - thought they were just going to run another race. But oh no ...

First, who's back (and I disagree with some of these choices and am thrilled by others): Jet and Cord, (the CowBros); Margie and Luke (the Signers); Amanda and Chris (dating); Flight Time and Big Easy (the Globetrotters); Mel and Mike (father and son); Kent and Vyxxsin (Goths); Gary and Mallory (the Kentuckys); Keisha and Jen (the Sistahs); Zev and Justin (BFFs); Ron and Christina (father and daughter); Jaimie and Kara (the PomPoms).

So they are gathered on a wind farm - a cold wind farm based on what everyone looks like - and Phil is all, hey welcome back and by the way ...
1. First team to finish this leg gets the Express Pass, which was introduced last season and which gives the team a bye whenever they want it;
2. Phil has the clues and you have to know that Qantas flies to Australia to get it (anyone who's seen Rain Man knows this, people);
3. Last team to get the clue from Phil gets an automatic U-Turn.

Oh! Those are some fine fine-print conditions.

A shocking number of people don't know that Queensland is in Australia or that Qantas flies there. Eight teams led by Mel and Mike get on the first plane and have a 90-minute lead. Amanda and Chris get the U-Turn, which is what tripped them up the last time they were in the Race.

But then, someone onboard the first flight has a heart attack and the plane is diverted to Hawaii and this is hilarious because some poor schmo is freaking dying on this aircraft and all these 16 people can do is think, "Oh no! We aren't first!" Finally, Big Easy steps up and says the most important thing is the guy isn't dead, but you can tell he doesn't mean it.

So Plane 2 becomes Plane 1, and Amanda and Chris, the Sistahs, and Gary and Mallory are now in the lead. They take a train and then a ferry into downtown Sydney and then they go to an aquarium and into the shark tank to get a compass. This is cool and even though you know that Bertram van Munster wouldn't let anyone actually get eaten, it is terrifying.

From there they must do a word puzzle with nautical flags and sail an awesome boat with awesome Aussie sailors and that looks so fun, one of those beautiful Race moments, and holy smokes, Gary and Mallory are first! But we've been down that road before.

It's not a pit stop, says Phil, wearing Crocodile Dundee's hat and looking cuter than the Aussie lifeguard who is shirtless next to him. Here's your next clue. The CowBros are struggling in last place, inexplicably not finishing the puzzle every single time and ... see you next week!

American Idol: Hurray for Hollywood!

Ryan tells us that we are all on an epic journey, and I believe him because Ryan Seacrest would never overstate anything. Like, when he says that this year's talent pool is the best ever, well, I know they forced him to say that.

There are twice as many kids in Hollywood this year, more than 300, but JLo's skin and Steven Tyler's hair are up to the challenge. In the first round, everyone sings a capella and the judges are supposed to give no feedback, but Steven cannot help himself, and he hoots and hollers and bangs his glass like he's at the best wedding reception ever.

They come out 10 at a time, sing, and then ... sudden death. See? Ryan is just telling it like it is.

Up first is Florida's version of Carrot Top, except I should'nt call him that because Brett Loewenstern has been picked on his whole life. So I apologize. He sings Let It Be and he's good.

Then it's Rachel Zevita, Thia Megia, Casey Abrams (he's the bearded, fuzzy guy) and they are all through. Victoria Huggins, that little perky thing form the South, is out.

Paris Tassin is the one who had the baby, James Durbin is the one with Tourette's, Lauren Alaina is the one who is the girl version of Steven Tyler and Stormi Henley is the Miss USA. The first three are in, Stormi is out. Thank goodness.

Chris Medina is that round faced guy whose girlfriend was in that terrible accident. He is in.

Jacee Badeaux, that chubby 15-year-old from Louisiana, continues to sing like an angel. Robbie Rosen is another one who went through some trauma or another, and Hollie Cavanaugh was the crier. They are in. Steve Beghun, the giant accountant, is out. This is good, since his Idol journey would've undoubtedly been very awkward.

Rob Bolin and Chelsea Oaks, the ex-couple, are both still in and Rob is one of my early favorites. I love this kid's voice and I love his sense of irony. His ex-girlfriend, not so much.

Nick Fink and Jacqueline Dunford are the prom king and queen, except he's out and she's in. He looks like he wants to smother her in her sleep with a pillow.

Scotty "Ears" McCreery remains in with that ridiculous country voice, Jackie Wilson, Jerome Bell, Tiffany Rios (she had the stars on her boobs in NJ); they are all in. Homeless kid Travis Orlando is sent back to skid row.

June Bug is in, Colombian Julie Zarilla, the Gutierrez brothers, that White House intern from Harvard, and EMILY ANNE REED.

Next week, group sing. It's like Christmas!!!

American Idol: Back to the Land of Lambert

So Idol goes back to San Francisco, where they found Adam Lambert, except that was when Kara DioGuardio and Paula were, you know, relevant to the process. The first one now lives in Maine and makes blueberry hotcakes for a living and the second one recently had a season finale of a show that no one noticed.

But no matter. It's season 10, and let's all breath a sigh of relief that Sir Nigel convinced Fox that after this number of years, we the audience simply cannot take two-hour cattle call shows anymore. It's just too much of the same old same old.

But even this hour is almost unbearable. I mean, it opens with a girl who may or may not have farted during her audition, includes a flock of birds crapping all over the contestants, and an insane Ukrainian named Inessa who claimed she was 22 but was quite likely 11. And she had a mail order husband. Or he had a mail order wife. Or they met each other at the shipping dock.

Then we meet Brittany Mazur, from Tucson, and she sings Mercy. Fine. Cara Johnston. Fine. Matthew Nuss, with his bad Keith Urban hair, fine. Stefano Longone, almost died in a car crash, fine. Clint "Junebug" Jun Gamboa, whose day job is working the karaoke machine in a bar - if you can even imagine a job worse than working the counter at a 7-11 that would be it - and he has Mr. Magoo glasses and is fine.

I don't care about any of them.

Then Kenneth Berba is bad, in ears, and Weston Lee Smith is so bad he actually apologizes to the judges, and Drew Beaumier arrives in a homemade Transformer costume. Awesome, but can't sing.

Then there's a batch of good girls, none of whom I even notice, and then Julie Zorilla from Colombia, who is gorgeous. But I don' think she sings as well as they think she sings, and she certainly doesn't sing Summertime as well as Fantasia did. Randy is an idiot.

Dave Combs has long hair and is bad; Rick Deschamp wears a fedora and is bad, David Johnston has long hair and is bad, Sabrina Corbett is dressed like a cop.

And then, like this nutty show does, Emily Anne Reed arrives on the scene and thank you! Thank you Emily Anne! She has this crazy voice, kind of like Norah Jones but not really. She is quirky and awesome and adorable and slovenly enough so that JLo does not feel threatened. LOVE HER!

And then we get Lambert 2.0, in the form of James Durbin, who has Tourette's and Asperger's and a little baby and no job and a father who OD when he was 9. Oh, and he can sing.