So we are Hoff-less to open Dancing with the Stars last night, and we are apparently still shocked by it, and will remain so throughout the evening. Brooke Burke will anyway. She always makes me wonder if double-sided tape hurts like a Band-Aid when it comes off.
It's Jive and Quick Step night, two physically demanding and tricky dances that always flummox the celebs. It's only week 2, for heaven's sake. How about a nice rumba instead?
But nope, here's Rick "Lurch" Fox and Cheryl and they are jiving their brains out and it is actually quite good. He creeps me out with his tallness and that deep voice, but I liked it. Judges: 7, 7, 7.
Then it's Mrs. Brady and Corky Ballas and don't you picture Corky thinking he's Mike Brady? That guy makes the craziest faces. Florence is mad that she's 76 and wants everyone to stop talking about it but Carrie Ann is all, Oh, I don't think so you old bat. Her legs are killer for 76 (sorry Flo) and she messes up the quick step a little in the middle and may need CPR backstage, and I think Cindy Brady is in the audience and there's Niecy Nash! and the judges go 7, 6, 6.
Brandy and Maks are doing the jive and we have to sit through the fake tension that the producers insist on creating with all Maks' partners and then they dance in these fabulous outfits (Maks' pants are perhaps the greatest pants in the history of the show) and I enjoy it but the judges go 7, 7, 7. Really?
Chelsie and Michael Bolton have the jive and he is wearing a surgical mask at rehearsal because he is sick and very crabby. He cannot believe he scored so low last week because he is MICHAEL BOLTON. Dude, you are lucky the Hoff was so bad or you'd be home right now. So they are not having fun in rehearsal, mostly because Mr. Bolton is an ass. But then ...
He really does crawl out of a dog house on stage to open the dance and I can't decide which is worse: him doing that or the jacket he is wearing. Poor Chelsie. First Jake and now this. It really was horrendous. The judges go 4, 5, 3 (Bruno!!!) Ouch. I'm guessing Michael Bolton is firing his agent today.
Audrina and Tony do the quick step and Tony is wearing a duct tape suit. The judges go 8, 8, 7.
Jennifer Grey and Derek have the jive and last week she rubbed our face in our beloved Patrick Swayze's death and tonight ... she had CANCER. Last year during her pre-DWTS check up they found a tumor on her spine and she had surgery and plates and there are scars. COME ON. The jive is actually good, and the judges go 8, 8, 8.
We hear words of wisdom from Sarah Palin on the sidelines.
Margaret Cho and Dr. Louis van Amstel are next and they are all serious this week and not trying to mock the process anymore with their jive and Louis works his magic and helps Margaret to have a tearful epiphany. And Niecy is in the audience going, Oh yes, sister, let it happen, it feels gooood when you let it all out to Louis, and somewhere on a treadmill somewhere Kelly Osbourne is saying the same thing. They get 6s.
Kyle Massey and Lacey have a quickstep which is good - not as good as last week's cha cha - and the judges go: 8, 7, 7
Anna and Kurt do the jive and tonight he is wearing brown pants and I see nothing that the judges see. 7, 7, 7.
Karina and The Situation have a quick step and in perhaps the greatest television humiliation since the Nixon-Kennedy debate, Carrie Ann tells poor Sit that he is pigeon-toed. Which we already knew, Carrie Ann. Did you have to say it out loud? The judges go 6, 6, 6.
Bristol Palin and Mark Ballas close the show and they lose valuable rehearsal time flying to Alaska to sightsee and the visit the Mom. No sight of Dad anywhere. She is described as a teen activist, which I guess is either funny or sad, depending on your point of view. For their quick step they get 7, 8 (Len!), 7. She is growing on me, this girl. She seems genuine.
Who's going home? Michael Bolton of course. Woof.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Amazing Race 17: Storming the Castle
The 17th season of The Amazing Race started in Gloucester, Mass., and through the magic of television and the power of Phil Keoghan, it did not look like the Gloucester I know. I have good friends who live there and I don't recall it looking that, well, lush. But good for them. And the lobstermen who ferried the 11 teams in for the start.
Phil launches the season with an arched brow and the unveiling of the Express Pass, a little piece of paper that gives a team the chance to skip a task entirely. It could, Phil tells us, be the difference between going home and staying in. Which seems obvious to me but still. I'm thinking based on 16 seasons of watching this show that a piece of paper that allowed you to change your horrible cab driver into the world's greatest cab driver would be more valuable since that more often makes a difference in who finishes where.
The teams are: Brooke and Claire, shopping channel hostesses who shall be known as Melon Heads because of what happens to poor Claire in the English countryside; Chad and Stephanie, known as The Ring because he plans to propose to her during the race; Rachel and Katie, beach volleyball players form New Jersey, which somehow makes them less hot; Jonathan and Connor, Ivy League (Princeton?) a capella singers; Nat and Kat, surgeons and one diabetic; Michael and Kevin, an Asian-American father-son team who are apparently a YouTube sensation; Nick and Vicki, all tatted up and heretofore known as Dumb and Dumber ("Ah, yes," Phil says, "the country of London."); Ron and Tony, who I would call Biggie Smalls because of the difference in their sizes, but that seems wrong; Jill and Thomas, boyfriend and girlfriend; father and daughter Gary and Mallory, and she's Miss Kentucky and wakes up every day with a song in her heart; and Andie and Jenna, biological mom and daughter who have never met before.
The opening is sort of slow, as everyone has to get to Logan (not easy, we New Englanders know) and then from London to Stonehenge, in clown cars. From there we have one of those "clues" that they have to decipher and they must find their way to Eastnor Castle, a ways away.
And here many teams completely fall apart, because apparently they can't read road signs in English. This does not bode well for the rest of the race, when they are in places where English is a Ninth Language.
So at the castle they scale the wall while toothless Brits pour dirty water on them, and then "sail" across the moat in upside-down turtle shells, and then hurl watermelons at knight suits (and where Claire nearly decapitates herself with a back-shooting watermelon and then, because Brooke tells her to, finishes the task even though she has gone numb from the neck up) and then find Phil hanging in the woods with Robin and the boys.
Jill and Thomas are first, and they get the Express Pass, and then lots of others come in (my favorite part was when Dad and Son and Dad and Daughter came in together) and then, way, way, way, way, last are Ron and Tony and by week 3 we won't even remember they were here.
Next week we head to Ghana. I'm guessing the road signs are going to be more confusing than in England. How about you?
Phil launches the season with an arched brow and the unveiling of the Express Pass, a little piece of paper that gives a team the chance to skip a task entirely. It could, Phil tells us, be the difference between going home and staying in. Which seems obvious to me but still. I'm thinking based on 16 seasons of watching this show that a piece of paper that allowed you to change your horrible cab driver into the world's greatest cab driver would be more valuable since that more often makes a difference in who finishes where.
The teams are: Brooke and Claire, shopping channel hostesses who shall be known as Melon Heads because of what happens to poor Claire in the English countryside; Chad and Stephanie, known as The Ring because he plans to propose to her during the race; Rachel and Katie, beach volleyball players form New Jersey, which somehow makes them less hot; Jonathan and Connor, Ivy League (Princeton?) a capella singers; Nat and Kat, surgeons and one diabetic; Michael and Kevin, an Asian-American father-son team who are apparently a YouTube sensation; Nick and Vicki, all tatted up and heretofore known as Dumb and Dumber ("Ah, yes," Phil says, "the country of London."); Ron and Tony, who I would call Biggie Smalls because of the difference in their sizes, but that seems wrong; Jill and Thomas, boyfriend and girlfriend; father and daughter Gary and Mallory, and she's Miss Kentucky and wakes up every day with a song in her heart; and Andie and Jenna, biological mom and daughter who have never met before.
The opening is sort of slow, as everyone has to get to Logan (not easy, we New Englanders know) and then from London to Stonehenge, in clown cars. From there we have one of those "clues" that they have to decipher and they must find their way to Eastnor Castle, a ways away.
And here many teams completely fall apart, because apparently they can't read road signs in English. This does not bode well for the rest of the race, when they are in places where English is a Ninth Language.
So at the castle they scale the wall while toothless Brits pour dirty water on them, and then "sail" across the moat in upside-down turtle shells, and then hurl watermelons at knight suits (and where Claire nearly decapitates herself with a back-shooting watermelon and then, because Brooke tells her to, finishes the task even though she has gone numb from the neck up) and then find Phil hanging in the woods with Robin and the boys.
Jill and Thomas are first, and they get the Express Pass, and then lots of others come in (my favorite part was when Dad and Son and Dad and Daughter came in together) and then, way, way, way, way, last are Ron and Tony and by week 3 we won't even remember they were here.
Next week we head to Ghana. I'm guessing the road signs are going to be more confusing than in England. How about you?
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Hawaii Five-O, Chase, Raising Hope, Lone Star, Mike & Molly
One great, one pretty good, two good and one OK. That's my take on what I've seen so far of Monday night's brand new shows.
We'll start with great: Lone Star on Fox.
Starring a very attractive James Wolk (he's like a young Kyle Chandler), as Bob or Robert, depending on who he is talking to in Texas, this show is a drama about a scam. Or rather, about a scam artist who is trying to disengage from the scam. Bob/Robert leads two lives, one in Midland with his adorable girlfriend Lindsay, (Eloise Mumford), and one in Houston with his gorgeous rich wife Cat, (FNL's Adrianne Palick). Bob's dad, played beautifully by a well-aged David Keith, is King Scammer, and they have spent years setting this up in the hopes of ripping off Cat's oil-rich family. Her daddy, played beautifully by a well-aged Jon Voight, hires Bob to help run the business, much to the chagrin of her suspicious brother Tram (Mark Deklin). Her other brother, Drew, is kind of a dimwit. The rub is that Bob thinks he can actually do this stuff, and he wants to stay married to Cat and get married to Lindsay and have his cake and eat it to. The pilot set it all up great, and I am hooked.
Pretty good is Raising Hope, a sitcom on Fox. Now this show is not for the faint of heart or for those who like their comedy along the lines of Full House. Jimmy Chance (Lucas Neff) is a loser who gets a serial killer pregnant and ends up with the baby after she is executed for her crimes. That scene alone makes you laugh and cringe at the same time. His parents Burt (Garret Dillahunt) and Virginia (Martha Plimpton) have enough on their hands barely getting by without a baby in the house. And then there's senile old MawMaw, played by Cloris Leachman, often without a shirt on. This is black comedy of the blue-collar variety, and it made me laugh a lot.
Good includes Mike & Molly, a CBS sitcom that comes from Chuck Lorre but is very sweet (although there was one joke in there that made me think of Two and a Half Men).
Billy Gardell and Melissa McCarthy are the names in the title, and they meet at Overeaters Anonymous. This was a sweet, gentle comedy that gives Swoosie Kurtz some great screen time, so I am all in favor.
Also good was Hawaii Five-O, even though its opening sequence was lifted straight from the first Iron Man. But hottie Alex O’Loughlin is a good Steve McGarrett, stoic even in the face of his father's murder. Scott Caan is an appealing and humorous Danno, it is great to see Daniel Day Kim as Chin Ho Kelly and the lithe Grace Park as Kono is the token girl. A lot of the first plot laid groundwork and most of the story was completely ridiculously, but Jerry Bruckheimer knows how to keep things moving so we'll see.
As for OK, that would be NBC's Chase, which is basically Walker, Texas Rangerette. Kelli Giddish stars as U.S. Marshal Annie Frost (speaking of stoic) and the rest of her team - Cole Hauser as Jimmy Godfrey, Amaury Nolasco as Marco Martinez, and Rose Rollins as Daisy Ogbaa - pretty much just follow her around. It's very much like that cable series about that marshal that I can't stand. One and done with this.
What did you think?
We'll start with great: Lone Star on Fox.
Starring a very attractive James Wolk (he's like a young Kyle Chandler), as Bob or Robert, depending on who he is talking to in Texas, this show is a drama about a scam. Or rather, about a scam artist who is trying to disengage from the scam. Bob/Robert leads two lives, one in Midland with his adorable girlfriend Lindsay, (Eloise Mumford), and one in Houston with his gorgeous rich wife Cat, (FNL's Adrianne Palick). Bob's dad, played beautifully by a well-aged David Keith, is King Scammer, and they have spent years setting this up in the hopes of ripping off Cat's oil-rich family. Her daddy, played beautifully by a well-aged Jon Voight, hires Bob to help run the business, much to the chagrin of her suspicious brother Tram (Mark Deklin). Her other brother, Drew, is kind of a dimwit. The rub is that Bob thinks he can actually do this stuff, and he wants to stay married to Cat and get married to Lindsay and have his cake and eat it to. The pilot set it all up great, and I am hooked.
Pretty good is Raising Hope, a sitcom on Fox. Now this show is not for the faint of heart or for those who like their comedy along the lines of Full House. Jimmy Chance (Lucas Neff) is a loser who gets a serial killer pregnant and ends up with the baby after she is executed for her crimes. That scene alone makes you laugh and cringe at the same time. His parents Burt (Garret Dillahunt) and Virginia (Martha Plimpton) have enough on their hands barely getting by without a baby in the house. And then there's senile old MawMaw, played by Cloris Leachman, often without a shirt on. This is black comedy of the blue-collar variety, and it made me laugh a lot.
Good includes Mike & Molly, a CBS sitcom that comes from Chuck Lorre but is very sweet (although there was one joke in there that made me think of Two and a Half Men).
Billy Gardell and Melissa McCarthy are the names in the title, and they meet at Overeaters Anonymous. This was a sweet, gentle comedy that gives Swoosie Kurtz some great screen time, so I am all in favor.
Also good was Hawaii Five-O, even though its opening sequence was lifted straight from the first Iron Man. But hottie Alex O’Loughlin is a good Steve McGarrett, stoic even in the face of his father's murder. Scott Caan is an appealing and humorous Danno, it is great to see Daniel Day Kim as Chin Ho Kelly and the lithe Grace Park as Kono is the token girl. A lot of the first plot laid groundwork and most of the story was completely ridiculously, but Jerry Bruckheimer knows how to keep things moving so we'll see.
As for OK, that would be NBC's Chase, which is basically Walker, Texas Rangerette. Kelli Giddish stars as U.S. Marshal Annie Frost (speaking of stoic) and the rest of her team - Cole Hauser as Jimmy Godfrey, Amaury Nolasco as Marco Martinez, and Rose Rollins as Daisy Ogbaa - pretty much just follow her around. It's very much like that cable series about that marshal that I can't stand. One and done with this.
What did you think?
Monday, September 20, 2010
Dancing with the Stars: And suddenly, I love Kyle Massey
You just never know what's going to happen on Dancing with the Stars. Jerry Springer becomes an American folk hero. Drew Lachey grows taller. Niecy Nash becomes my favorite strong black woman. It's like you mix the celebrities and the pros and the bad wedding singers and the cheesy band and the lunatic judges and the Bedazzler and the spray tans and the bemused bemusement of Tom Bergeron and bam! Next thing you know, I'm in love with Kyle Massey.
Oh not in that way, you sillies. The chubby star of various Disney channel tween shows isn't my type. I think I may actually be old enough to be his grandma. Or his great aunt. But the way he and Lacey Schwimmer (blonde!) clicked, the way they hit that dance floor and set it on fire, the way they ate those judges and that cha cha for lunch; now that I loved. Kyle and Lacey are my new Louis and Niecy. I can only hope that at some point, they share deep dark secrets with each other, hold each other and cry.
But I'm getting ahead of myself with last night's premiere of season 18,687 of Dancing with the Stars. Because Kyle and Lacey were third. First we had to sit through Audrina Partridge and Kurt Warner.
Audrina, teamed with Tony Dovolani. She's from one of those really fake MTV reality shows in California, which means she is taller and thinner that Snookie, but not much else. The Invisible British Announcer Guy pronounces her name like the way the GPS talks when your kids make you set it on British for a while and everyone laughs. When she and Tony start dancing, she looks and acts just like a blow up doll. Which is good for Tony because his last partner, Kate Gosselin, looked and acted like a cardboard cutout. Judges go 6-7-6.
Kurt Warner, a quarterback, is teamed with super icky Anna. They will do the Viennese waltz. He is wearing a brown suit, and of one thing is true it's this: Nothing good every happens to you in a brown suit. Len is correct. The judges go 7-5-7.
Then come Kyle and Lacey and they are cha chaing to that awesome song First Kiss and I am not even going to be petty and point out that Anya and Kent did exactly the same thing on So You Think You Can Dance this summer. Nope. Not going to mention that. Carrie and I are both in love. It is fabulous. Judges go 8-7-8.
Rick Fox and Cheryl Burke do the Viennese waltz and Len says it was so good that he did not even notice that Rick Fox is tall. Like, Lurch tall. Well, I sure as hell noticed. Dude is tall. And has a giant cranium and whatever. Judges 8-7-7.
Margaret Cho has my beloved Louis van Amstel and they will waltz. And of course Dr. Louis van Amstel is in the house and Margaret begins confessing all kinds of issues to him. They go for funny in the dance but Margaret isn't that kind of comedian, she's not like Niecy was last season and she can't pull it off and the judges call them on it They will be out. I love you Louis. 5-5-5
Brandy the former pop singer has Maks and they waltz and even Maks' butt in those pants is not enough to keep me from forwarding through this. Brandy will be this season's Pussycat Doll, and you know how that made me feel. "Very little" dance experience. Shut up girl. 7-8-8
Poor Bristol Palin has Mark Ballas as a part, which is good because that guy works hard. He also doesn't know he's on TV when he tells her to go "balls out." Apparently the editors didn't know they were on TV either, since they left it in. Or maybe it means something else. Anyway, Bristol and Mark dance to Mama Told Me Not To Come, which they should've saved for Levi does this show in 2020 and Carrie's right, Bristol has great legs but I actually feel sorry for her. Something's got to pay the rent, though, right? 6-6-6
Florence Henderson will perk me right up though, and doesn't she look terrific with her spindly little legs and her big wide eyes. She is like the grandma at the wedding reception who had two too many and is making all the cute cousins dance with her. She and Corky Ballas do the cha cha and the judges give them 6-6-6.
Michael Bolton has the magnificent Chelsie Hightower for his partner and during their waltz he actually brings Kate Gosselin to mind again. She looked relaxed compared to him. He is horrendous. 6-5-5.
The Situation has Karina and I'm guessing that even in the only five days they had to rehearse that he at least tried to hit that. He looks hilarious in his black socks, black shoes and shorts and Len puts him in his place but good. The Situation has a sense of humor at least. 5-5-5
Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough crassly recreate some of Dirty Dancing's magic, and Jennifer feels cheap enough about it at one point to actually cry. I'm not sure why they kept showing Jamie Lee Curtis during and after the performance - other than the two possibly sharing some Activa, I don't think they are connected - but the judges fall for it and give their waltz 8-8-8. I actually would've liked this performance if they had not trampled all over Patrick Swayze's memory to score points.
And the Hoff and Kym Johnson do the cha cha and all I can think is ew. Gross. Ick. Blech. Yak. 5-5-5. That is just wrong.
But Margaret Cho will go home, which makes me sad because I love Louis. But she does not have the fan base within this show's demographics to survive that score. What did you think?
Oh not in that way, you sillies. The chubby star of various Disney channel tween shows isn't my type. I think I may actually be old enough to be his grandma. Or his great aunt. But the way he and Lacey Schwimmer (blonde!) clicked, the way they hit that dance floor and set it on fire, the way they ate those judges and that cha cha for lunch; now that I loved. Kyle and Lacey are my new Louis and Niecy. I can only hope that at some point, they share deep dark secrets with each other, hold each other and cry.
But I'm getting ahead of myself with last night's premiere of season 18,687 of Dancing with the Stars. Because Kyle and Lacey were third. First we had to sit through Audrina Partridge and Kurt Warner.
Audrina, teamed with Tony Dovolani. She's from one of those really fake MTV reality shows in California, which means she is taller and thinner that Snookie, but not much else. The Invisible British Announcer Guy pronounces her name like the way the GPS talks when your kids make you set it on British for a while and everyone laughs. When she and Tony start dancing, she looks and acts just like a blow up doll. Which is good for Tony because his last partner, Kate Gosselin, looked and acted like a cardboard cutout. Judges go 6-7-6.
Kurt Warner, a quarterback, is teamed with super icky Anna. They will do the Viennese waltz. He is wearing a brown suit, and of one thing is true it's this: Nothing good every happens to you in a brown suit. Len is correct. The judges go 7-5-7.
Then come Kyle and Lacey and they are cha chaing to that awesome song First Kiss and I am not even going to be petty and point out that Anya and Kent did exactly the same thing on So You Think You Can Dance this summer. Nope. Not going to mention that. Carrie and I are both in love. It is fabulous. Judges go 8-7-8.
Rick Fox and Cheryl Burke do the Viennese waltz and Len says it was so good that he did not even notice that Rick Fox is tall. Like, Lurch tall. Well, I sure as hell noticed. Dude is tall. And has a giant cranium and whatever. Judges 8-7-7.
Margaret Cho has my beloved Louis van Amstel and they will waltz. And of course Dr. Louis van Amstel is in the house and Margaret begins confessing all kinds of issues to him. They go for funny in the dance but Margaret isn't that kind of comedian, she's not like Niecy was last season and she can't pull it off and the judges call them on it They will be out. I love you Louis. 5-5-5
Brandy the former pop singer has Maks and they waltz and even Maks' butt in those pants is not enough to keep me from forwarding through this. Brandy will be this season's Pussycat Doll, and you know how that made me feel. "Very little" dance experience. Shut up girl. 7-8-8
Poor Bristol Palin has Mark Ballas as a part, which is good because that guy works hard. He also doesn't know he's on TV when he tells her to go "balls out." Apparently the editors didn't know they were on TV either, since they left it in. Or maybe it means something else. Anyway, Bristol and Mark dance to Mama Told Me Not To Come, which they should've saved for Levi does this show in 2020 and Carrie's right, Bristol has great legs but I actually feel sorry for her. Something's got to pay the rent, though, right? 6-6-6
Florence Henderson will perk me right up though, and doesn't she look terrific with her spindly little legs and her big wide eyes. She is like the grandma at the wedding reception who had two too many and is making all the cute cousins dance with her. She and Corky Ballas do the cha cha and the judges give them 6-6-6.
Michael Bolton has the magnificent Chelsie Hightower for his partner and during their waltz he actually brings Kate Gosselin to mind again. She looked relaxed compared to him. He is horrendous. 6-5-5.
The Situation has Karina and I'm guessing that even in the only five days they had to rehearse that he at least tried to hit that. He looks hilarious in his black socks, black shoes and shorts and Len puts him in his place but good. The Situation has a sense of humor at least. 5-5-5
Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough crassly recreate some of Dirty Dancing's magic, and Jennifer feels cheap enough about it at one point to actually cry. I'm not sure why they kept showing Jamie Lee Curtis during and after the performance - other than the two possibly sharing some Activa, I don't think they are connected - but the judges fall for it and give their waltz 8-8-8. I actually would've liked this performance if they had not trampled all over Patrick Swayze's memory to score points.
And the Hoff and Kym Johnson do the cha cha and all I can think is ew. Gross. Ick. Blech. Yak. 5-5-5. That is just wrong.
But Margaret Cho will go home, which makes me sad because I love Louis. But she does not have the fan base within this show's demographics to survive that score. What did you think?
Friday, September 17, 2010
Project Runway: Jackie Ohhhhh
I have to say I am digging the 90-minute format for Project Runway this season because we get so much more Tim Gunn for our buck, and wasn't Mr. Gunn just a barrel of bon mots during last night's episode?
"Jackie Kennedy never wore a camel toe"?
"It was your Waterloo"?
(And this is why I am sad that Michael D. went instead of that stiff Andy: Because Michael D. looked at Tim, said "I know!" and then followed that with, "And now I have to go look that up." Rim shot!
The Jackie Kennedy (why the complete avoidance of the Onassis portion of her program, I wonder?) challenge was fabulous because a) I love when the kids of today have to go back in time and acknowledge that stuff actually happened prior to the advent of Skype and b) because when you say something general to this group, like, oh, "Sportswear," you end up with everything from a cocktail dress to a leather pencil skirt. Times like this, I miss Casanova.
Side note: January Jones is a dud. On Saturday Night Live. On Project Runway. A dud.
I did love Mondo's outfit (both his own and his design - and really, don't you want to meet Mondo's parents? Are they the Addamses?). I'm glad he won, I love the way his mind works. And I don't know what his little bathing suit and jacket looked like in real life last week, but I thought the judges were way mean to him.
I thought Michael D. deserved to be in the bottom but did not deserve to go home. It should've been Andy, he of the giant ego and zero sense of humor. I cannot stand that guy. Plus, those pants were atrocious.
My two favorites this season are Mondo and Michael C., although I think there is no clear favorite as in past seasons. I am loving the judges - Heidi is beyond brutal - most of the guests are good (Miss Jones excepted), and the challenges have been terrific.
How about you? Are you enjoying this go-round?
"Jackie Kennedy never wore a camel toe"?
"It was your Waterloo"?
(And this is why I am sad that Michael D. went instead of that stiff Andy: Because Michael D. looked at Tim, said "I know!" and then followed that with, "And now I have to go look that up." Rim shot!
The Jackie Kennedy (why the complete avoidance of the Onassis portion of her program, I wonder?) challenge was fabulous because a) I love when the kids of today have to go back in time and acknowledge that stuff actually happened prior to the advent of Skype and b) because when you say something general to this group, like, oh, "Sportswear," you end up with everything from a cocktail dress to a leather pencil skirt. Times like this, I miss Casanova.
Side note: January Jones is a dud. On Saturday Night Live. On Project Runway. A dud.
I did love Mondo's outfit (both his own and his design - and really, don't you want to meet Mondo's parents? Are they the Addamses?). I'm glad he won, I love the way his mind works. And I don't know what his little bathing suit and jacket looked like in real life last week, but I thought the judges were way mean to him.
I thought Michael D. deserved to be in the bottom but did not deserve to go home. It should've been Andy, he of the giant ego and zero sense of humor. I cannot stand that guy. Plus, those pants were atrocious.
My two favorites this season are Mondo and Michael C., although I think there is no clear favorite as in past seasons. I am loving the judges - Heidi is beyond brutal - most of the guests are good (Miss Jones excepted), and the challenges have been terrific.
How about you? Are you enjoying this go-round?
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Who will win America's Got Talent?
Well, that's a dumb question. Creepy opera girl, of course.
Really? Maybe not. Maybe Piers "I suck lemons" Morgan's endless flogging of that little "angel" will backfire and America will think, "Hmm. I don't know. Maybe the harp and the tiara (read: halo) were a little too much." And vote for Michael Grimm.
Or maybe America will think putting little Jackie Evanko in a white dress and bathing her in white light and then having Howie talking about how seeing her and hearing her is akin to having a near-death experience is just gross, and vote for Prince Poppycock, who is also an amazing opera singer and, oh yes, a grown up.
Or maybe, just maybe, America will have noticed how intricate Fighting Gravity's performance was, how it was a whole good vs. evil, heaven vs. hell, God vs. Satan sort of struggle that included, at one point, the men in red hanging upside down, and think, "Now, that's awesome," and vote for them.
I'd go see a Prince Poppycock show, because it's a lot like Lady Gaga if she were a sophisticated drag queen with an amazing voice. I'd go see a Michael Grimm show because I love the way he sings. I'd go see a Fighting Gravity show because it is very, very cool. But in a hundred million years I would not go see that little girl sing her big opera.
I'm just sayin'. Or maybe I'm the only one freaked out/creeped out by little Jackie, and she's going to win in a landslide.
Really? Maybe not. Maybe Piers "I suck lemons" Morgan's endless flogging of that little "angel" will backfire and America will think, "Hmm. I don't know. Maybe the harp and the tiara (read: halo) were a little too much." And vote for Michael Grimm.
Or maybe America will think putting little Jackie Evanko in a white dress and bathing her in white light and then having Howie talking about how seeing her and hearing her is akin to having a near-death experience is just gross, and vote for Prince Poppycock, who is also an amazing opera singer and, oh yes, a grown up.
Or maybe, just maybe, America will have noticed how intricate Fighting Gravity's performance was, how it was a whole good vs. evil, heaven vs. hell, God vs. Satan sort of struggle that included, at one point, the men in red hanging upside down, and think, "Now, that's awesome," and vote for them.
I'd go see a Prince Poppycock show, because it's a lot like Lady Gaga if she were a sophisticated drag queen with an amazing voice. I'd go see a Michael Grimm show because I love the way he sings. I'd go see a Fighting Gravity show because it is very, very cool. But in a hundred million years I would not go see that little girl sing her big opera.
I'm just sayin'. Or maybe I'm the only one freaked out/creeped out by little Jackie, and she's going to win in a landslide.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Nikita: A kick-ass new show. Literally.
My experience with the CW network is they launch new shows with awesome pilots and then everything quickly devolves into predictable, been-there-done-that TV. I hope this is not the case with Nikita.
The spy show - a remake of a French film, an American film, and an American TV series - launched last week with a terrific pilot that moved so quickly I almost got whiplash. On the other hand, I very much appreciate a show that can lay that much necessary groundwork in the first hour and keep things moving right along.
Nikita is a young woman (played beautifully robotically by the gorgeous Maggie Q) who was a troubled child in foster care, who then became a troubled teen, who then got in trouble, who then was made to disappear by a secret government agency called the Division, who then became a trained assassin. This legion of folks perform the blackest of black ops.
The problem became that Nikita fell in love with a really nice not-assassin guy and the Division killed him. Hell hath no fury like a Nikita left alone in the world. She spent three years hiding, planning her revenge, and now she is enacting her plan. The pilot episode beautifully brought us to up date on all this and introduced us to all the major players. Fast, clear, understood. Genius. Thank you, writers.
While all of this is going on, there is a parallel storyline unfolding inside the Division, as we watch a new recruit being onboarded. (SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't watched yet, but plan to, STOP READING HERE.) Here we get to know Michael, who runs the assassins program, and Amanda (the fabulous Melinda Clarke from The OC and CSI), who shapes them. The new recruit, Alex (Lyndsy Fonseca), is actually working with Nikita - she is a plant on the inside! Bingo! Love this.
I have punched this into my Season Pass list in the hopes that it lives up to the pilot. The treachery is great, the fights, the technology, the explosions, all the stuff that made Alias and 24 and shows like that great in their early seasons.
The spy show - a remake of a French film, an American film, and an American TV series - launched last week with a terrific pilot that moved so quickly I almost got whiplash. On the other hand, I very much appreciate a show that can lay that much necessary groundwork in the first hour and keep things moving right along.
Nikita is a young woman (played beautifully robotically by the gorgeous Maggie Q) who was a troubled child in foster care, who then became a troubled teen, who then got in trouble, who then was made to disappear by a secret government agency called the Division, who then became a trained assassin. This legion of folks perform the blackest of black ops.
The problem became that Nikita fell in love with a really nice not-assassin guy and the Division killed him. Hell hath no fury like a Nikita left alone in the world. She spent three years hiding, planning her revenge, and now she is enacting her plan. The pilot episode beautifully brought us to up date on all this and introduced us to all the major players. Fast, clear, understood. Genius. Thank you, writers.
While all of this is going on, there is a parallel storyline unfolding inside the Division, as we watch a new recruit being onboarded. (SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't watched yet, but plan to, STOP READING HERE.) Here we get to know Michael, who runs the assassins program, and Amanda (the fabulous Melinda Clarke from The OC and CSI), who shapes them. The new recruit, Alex (Lyndsy Fonseca), is actually working with Nikita - she is a plant on the inside! Bingo! Love this.
I have punched this into my Season Pass list in the hopes that it lives up to the pilot. The treachery is great, the fights, the technology, the explosions, all the stuff that made Alias and 24 and shows like that great in their early seasons.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
America's Got Talent: Boatloads of talent, actually
OK, so in a little while we will find out who the Top 4 on America's Got Talent will be. Pins and needles I'm on, kids. Pins and needles.
Of the top 10, two who are out are easy: Christina and Ali and Taylor Matthews. I mean really. Neither should've been invited to this party in the first place. The sisters, both of whom have a heartbreaking story in that they have cystic fibrosis, are sweet and lovely. But they are not good singers. Certainly not as good as Alice whatshername who was sent packing last week by the judges. And Taylor Matthews makes Justin Bieber look like Pavarotti. Weak-voiced. Cute, but weak. So, bye-bye to them.
Then it gets a little tricky. I'd say Anna and Patryk, the ballroom dancing tweens, but she fell down at the start of their number last night and got right back and troopered her way through and then burst into tears when it was all over. America loves that kind of intestinal fortitude. So, who knows. They should go, though.
Perhaps the also very nice Jeremy Vanschoonhoven should also go, because while he seems very nice and sincere and his act certainly causes cuts and bruises, how much of one man bouncing up and down on a mountain bike with no seat does a paying customer want to see? Me, I'm about done with this act.
That leaves magician Michael Grasso, popera singer Prince Poppycock, frat boys Frighting Gravity, opera star Jackie Evancho, dance troupe Studio One Young Beast Society, and soulman Michael Grimm.
And this is where it gets really tricky. I think Studio One will be out, because, well, they are a dance troupe. But I look forward to seeing them perform an awesome routine during halftime at the Connecticut Sun next summer, where all acts like this from America's Got Talent end up. In a good way.
And now I'm stumped. I'm not a Jackie fan, I think that voice from a 10-year-old is downright creepy, and the poor thing is so rehearsed in every movement, look, and word that comes out of her mouth that I am guessing she is a Stepford Child. So she will go through, but not because of me.
I love Michael Grasso the magician. The trick last night was awesome. I felt the same way Howie did: HOW DID HE DO THAT? Plus, I love magicians in general. Like I love ventriloquists. Terry Fator. I'm just saying.
Michael Grimm is a singer. You know how I feel about singers on America's Got Talent. Go away. So while I think ol' Eeyore Grimm is perfectly talented, I don't want him to win.
So my favorite two, the two I'd like to see go head to head in the finale, is Prince Poppycock and Fighting Gravity. For all kinds of reasons, chief among them that are both ridiculously talented and creative and they keep getting better and better. I'd totally pay to see either, for different reasons.
Plus how fun would it be to have Mr. Gaga face off against the batch of frat brothers. Talk about a melting pot.
What do you think? Who are your Top 4?
Of the top 10, two who are out are easy: Christina and Ali and Taylor Matthews. I mean really. Neither should've been invited to this party in the first place. The sisters, both of whom have a heartbreaking story in that they have cystic fibrosis, are sweet and lovely. But they are not good singers. Certainly not as good as Alice whatshername who was sent packing last week by the judges. And Taylor Matthews makes Justin Bieber look like Pavarotti. Weak-voiced. Cute, but weak. So, bye-bye to them.
Then it gets a little tricky. I'd say Anna and Patryk, the ballroom dancing tweens, but she fell down at the start of their number last night and got right back and troopered her way through and then burst into tears when it was all over. America loves that kind of intestinal fortitude. So, who knows. They should go, though.
Perhaps the also very nice Jeremy Vanschoonhoven should also go, because while he seems very nice and sincere and his act certainly causes cuts and bruises, how much of one man bouncing up and down on a mountain bike with no seat does a paying customer want to see? Me, I'm about done with this act.
That leaves magician Michael Grasso, popera singer Prince Poppycock, frat boys Frighting Gravity, opera star Jackie Evancho, dance troupe Studio One Young Beast Society, and soulman Michael Grimm.
And this is where it gets really tricky. I think Studio One will be out, because, well, they are a dance troupe. But I look forward to seeing them perform an awesome routine during halftime at the Connecticut Sun next summer, where all acts like this from America's Got Talent end up. In a good way.
And now I'm stumped. I'm not a Jackie fan, I think that voice from a 10-year-old is downright creepy, and the poor thing is so rehearsed in every movement, look, and word that comes out of her mouth that I am guessing she is a Stepford Child. So she will go through, but not because of me.
I love Michael Grasso the magician. The trick last night was awesome. I felt the same way Howie did: HOW DID HE DO THAT? Plus, I love magicians in general. Like I love ventriloquists. Terry Fator. I'm just saying.
Michael Grimm is a singer. You know how I feel about singers on America's Got Talent. Go away. So while I think ol' Eeyore Grimm is perfectly talented, I don't want him to win.
So my favorite two, the two I'd like to see go head to head in the finale, is Prince Poppycock and Fighting Gravity. For all kinds of reasons, chief among them that are both ridiculously talented and creative and they keep getting better and better. I'd totally pay to see either, for different reasons.
Plus how fun would it be to have Mr. Gaga face off against the batch of frat brothers. Talk about a melting pot.
What do you think? Who are your Top 4?
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