American Idol: I'm Into Something Good. Or Not. You Decide.

Ah, Carole King. Tapestry. I remember those days. Bell-bottoms, braces and a crush on Spencer Burbank. I was in the fifth grade.

Carole King and Baby Face! Clash of the genres! Although I have to admit I was really hoping for some more will.i.am. I did love when Baby Face did that matador song with Madonna that time, though.

Solos and duets for the contestants. Randy in a varsity sweater and a car salesman’s tie. This night is crazy!

First up, Jacob. Did I mention he is going home this week? Jimmy: Soar and riff. Riff and soar. Riff till you're sore. Oh No Not My Baby. Never heard of it. Baby Face is making Sour Face. Rehearsal has not gone well. And for the performance Jacob is dressed like Urkel at the Spring Fling. We have seen some really gay things on Idol, but this is the bride on the top of that cake. And the dancing! The performance reeks of desperation from the inside out and I stick with my prediction: He’s done.

Lauren is next: Where You Lead. How is it possible I have not heard of this either? Perhaps I only ever listened to Tapestry? Baby Face: Duh. Duh! He just channeled will.i.am! MILEY CYRUS!!! Lauren is Trans.Formed. Between Baby Face’s duh and Miley’s yee-haw, we are set. She is gonna kill it. She looks adorable but her performance is awkward and stiff. She sounds great but is acting self-conscious. Pulling the kid from the crowd is just stupid. She sang it great but it was weird.

I love the top 6. The show just flies by. Oh wait. Duets. Yeah, that never works. I have two words for you: Gokey Allen.

Haley and Casey: I Feel the Earth Move. Hey! This is pretty good. They sound good together and half of Haley on a song is a win-win for me. Casey’s hair is alarmingly poufy. They are slightly Iraheta-Lambert-esque. Slightly. I liked that.

Scotty: You’ve Got A Friend. This is going to be so dull. The rehearsal was agony, for Jimmy and Baby Face and me. He is singing it so slow, like he’s trying to teach it to us. The judges are going to slobber all over this, watch. Call me Kreskin! The girls will text for him tonight their thumbs fall off, though.

James. Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow. No gimmicks. Very David Cook of him. Phantom of the Opera anyone? Except this is American Graffiti. This kid is fabulous. This is a brilliant strategic move (only I think about Idol in those terms) and this may be the moment when he has won it. (And I said that before Randy did.)

Scotty and Lauren duet. Up On the Roof. They too sound nice together. Better than the first duet, actually. This song was apparently made for a twang, even though it’s written about a roof in the city. Right now it’s about a barn roof.

Casey is doing Hi-De-Ho, which was written by King but made into a hit by Blood Sweat and Tears. I LOVE this song. LOVE it. This is a performance, with a character and a costume and a gimmick. He gives it his all, but it comes across as a little forced to me, like Lauren’s and Scotty’s and Jacob’s all did. Hmmm.

Haley will sing Beautiful. I love Baby Face. He’s smarter than will.i.am. What a great session she had with them. I respect her for choosing this song – it’s not an obvious choice and it’s not particularly easy to sing. It’s uber-Carole King. I like it, which of course surprises me, since I don’t really like her. Her performance is more relaxed and comfortable than everyone except for James. So she’s among the best of the night, I guess. Which of course surprises me.

Duet. James and Jacob. I’m Into Something Good. Herman’s Hermits. This is like something from a Farrelly brothers movie, but I mean that as a compliment.

So, best to worst: James, Haley, Lauren, Casey, Scotty, Jacob. But that’s just me.

American Idol: Beck-less

What kind of an Idol metaphor is it when Hall of Famer Jeff Beck bows out of Wednesday night’s show, allegedly because of a lack of rehearsal time, and he is seamlessly replaced by Black Eyed Peas frontman Will.i.am?

Rhetorical question, kids. Who cares? Based on their levels of energy and hilarity, Will.i.am and Jimmy Iovine must’ve been shotgunning Red Bulls and snorting whipped cream canisters in the men’s room, making the change so worth it.

Good heavens.

So Rock and Roll Hall of Fame night went with some obvious, some not so obvious, and some LOL. Before we review, can we pause to appreciate the lilting Lopez laugh? That giggle makes me understand why Ben Affleck sacrificed his career.

Jacob's opening number made the judges swoon, but my heart was cold. First off, Man in the Mirror belongs to Kris Allen. Hands off, bubba. Secondly, it was like the Monty Python Broadway version of the song, and I kept expecting Jacob – all in white for heaven’s sake – to turn into the Lady In The Lake. We need the Fish Slapping Song!

Haley – not my favorite – chose Janis Joplin. Finally! It’s not like Randy and Steven haven’t been hurling the J word at her since day 1. Piece of My Heart. She growled her way through it, leaving the Betty Boop sex kitten kitsch thankfully behind (although the leather leggings were quite something). I disliked her the least I ever have, and that’s the nicest thing I’m going to say.

Casey brought his stand up bass to the stage, and there was a guy with him playing the tiniest little stringed instrument – was it a lyre? It was like the Mutt and Jeff of instruments. He sang CCR’s Have You Ever Seen The Rain, and he remains redeemed. I think he has lost 40 pounds in four weeks.

Lauren did not look like a natural woman, she had too much make-up and too much hair, and tights and shorts (never a good look unless you are being dropped off at preschool), and I did not love her Natural Woman. But I love her. Except not looking like that.

James went with a neat touch, George Harrison’s My Guitar Gently Weeps, likely not an audience favorite, but it showed depth and musical appreciation and he Lambertized it quite nicely.

Scotty sang Elvis. That’s All Right, Mama. No, it ain’t.

Pia sang Ike and Tina’s River Deep Mountain High and I am officially bored with her. I loved Jen’s advice though: watch videos.

Stefano. Oh Stefano. You bring out the mush in me. He sang When A Man Loves A Woman, and he sang it so great, and will.i.am was hilarious in the studio. Hilarious. And foul-mouthed.

And then Paul sang Folsom Prison Blues to close the show, because he was in the bottom three last week, you know, unrightfully so, America, and Jimmy is so tanked on Red Bulls he is practically tearing his clothes off in the studio. And then Paul does exactly what they told him to do and just goes nuts on that stage, like Joaquin-on-Letterman-level nuts, and it is so awesome and I will be bummed if America is stupid and sends him home.

And then the most amazing thing ever happens. The show ends early. EARLY. And Ryan has to streeeeeetch it, and he chats with the judges and he dances with the contestants, including the bump with Jacob and the do-si-do with Lauren and, man, this is so awesome and Glee is probably so mad that it was not supposed to be on right after. And finally, we’re done.

My bottom two are Scotty and Jacob. I will be wrong.