American Idol: I'm Into Something Good. Or Not. You Decide.

Ah, Carole King. Tapestry. I remember those days. Bell-bottoms, braces and a crush on Spencer Burbank. I was in the fifth grade.

Carole King and Baby Face! Clash of the genres! Although I have to admit I was really hoping for some more will.i.am. I did love when Baby Face did that matador song with Madonna that time, though.

Solos and duets for the contestants. Randy in a varsity sweater and a car salesman’s tie. This night is crazy!

First up, Jacob. Did I mention he is going home this week? Jimmy: Soar and riff. Riff and soar. Riff till you're sore. Oh No Not My Baby. Never heard of it. Baby Face is making Sour Face. Rehearsal has not gone well. And for the performance Jacob is dressed like Urkel at the Spring Fling. We have seen some really gay things on Idol, but this is the bride on the top of that cake. And the dancing! The performance reeks of desperation from the inside out and I stick with my prediction: He’s done.

Lauren is next: Where You Lead. How is it possible I have not heard of this either? Perhaps I only ever listened to Tapestry? Baby Face: Duh. Duh! He just channeled will.i.am! MILEY CYRUS!!! Lauren is Trans.Formed. Between Baby Face’s duh and Miley’s yee-haw, we are set. She is gonna kill it. She looks adorable but her performance is awkward and stiff. She sounds great but is acting self-conscious. Pulling the kid from the crowd is just stupid. She sang it great but it was weird.

I love the top 6. The show just flies by. Oh wait. Duets. Yeah, that never works. I have two words for you: Gokey Allen.

Haley and Casey: I Feel the Earth Move. Hey! This is pretty good. They sound good together and half of Haley on a song is a win-win for me. Casey’s hair is alarmingly poufy. They are slightly Iraheta-Lambert-esque. Slightly. I liked that.

Scotty: You’ve Got A Friend. This is going to be so dull. The rehearsal was agony, for Jimmy and Baby Face and me. He is singing it so slow, like he’s trying to teach it to us. The judges are going to slobber all over this, watch. Call me Kreskin! The girls will text for him tonight their thumbs fall off, though.

James. Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow. No gimmicks. Very David Cook of him. Phantom of the Opera anyone? Except this is American Graffiti. This kid is fabulous. This is a brilliant strategic move (only I think about Idol in those terms) and this may be the moment when he has won it. (And I said that before Randy did.)

Scotty and Lauren duet. Up On the Roof. They too sound nice together. Better than the first duet, actually. This song was apparently made for a twang, even though it’s written about a roof in the city. Right now it’s about a barn roof.

Casey is doing Hi-De-Ho, which was written by King but made into a hit by Blood Sweat and Tears. I LOVE this song. LOVE it. This is a performance, with a character and a costume and a gimmick. He gives it his all, but it comes across as a little forced to me, like Lauren’s and Scotty’s and Jacob’s all did. Hmmm.

Haley will sing Beautiful. I love Baby Face. He’s smarter than will.i.am. What a great session she had with them. I respect her for choosing this song – it’s not an obvious choice and it’s not particularly easy to sing. It’s uber-Carole King. I like it, which of course surprises me, since I don’t really like her. Her performance is more relaxed and comfortable than everyone except for James. So she’s among the best of the night, I guess. Which of course surprises me.

Duet. James and Jacob. I’m Into Something Good. Herman’s Hermits. This is like something from a Farrelly brothers movie, but I mean that as a compliment.

So, best to worst: James, Haley, Lauren, Casey, Scotty, Jacob. But that’s just me.