What kind of an Idol metaphor is it when Hall of Famer Jeff Beck bows out of Wednesday night’s show, allegedly because of a lack of rehearsal time, and he is seamlessly replaced by Black Eyed Peas frontman Will.i.am?
Rhetorical question, kids. Who cares? Based on their levels of energy and hilarity, Will.i.am and Jimmy Iovine must’ve been shotgunning Red Bulls and snorting whipped cream canisters in the men’s room, making the change so worth it.
Good heavens.
So Rock and Roll Hall of Fame night went with some obvious, some not so obvious, and some LOL. Before we review, can we pause to appreciate the lilting Lopez laugh? That giggle makes me understand why Ben Affleck sacrificed his career.
Jacob's opening number made the judges swoon, but my heart was cold. First off, Man in the Mirror belongs to Kris Allen. Hands off, bubba. Secondly, it was like the Monty Python Broadway version of the song, and I kept expecting Jacob – all in white for heaven’s sake – to turn into the Lady In The Lake. We need the Fish Slapping Song!
Haley – not my favorite – chose Janis Joplin. Finally! It’s not like Randy and Steven haven’t been hurling the J word at her since day 1. Piece of My Heart. She growled her way through it, leaving the Betty Boop sex kitten kitsch thankfully behind (although the leather leggings were quite something). I disliked her the least I ever have, and that’s the nicest thing I’m going to say.
Casey brought his stand up bass to the stage, and there was a guy with him playing the tiniest little stringed instrument – was it a lyre? It was like the Mutt and Jeff of instruments. He sang CCR’s Have You Ever Seen The Rain, and he remains redeemed. I think he has lost 40 pounds in four weeks.
Lauren did not look like a natural woman, she had too much make-up and too much hair, and tights and shorts (never a good look unless you are being dropped off at preschool), and I did not love her Natural Woman. But I love her. Except not looking like that.
James went with a neat touch, George Harrison’s My Guitar Gently Weeps, likely not an audience favorite, but it showed depth and musical appreciation and he Lambertized it quite nicely.
Scotty sang Elvis. That’s All Right, Mama. No, it ain’t.
Pia sang Ike and Tina’s River Deep Mountain High and I am officially bored with her. I loved Jen’s advice though: watch videos.
Stefano. Oh Stefano. You bring out the mush in me. He sang When A Man Loves A Woman, and he sang it so great, and will.i.am was hilarious in the studio. Hilarious. And foul-mouthed.
And then Paul sang Folsom Prison Blues to close the show, because he was in the bottom three last week, you know, unrightfully so, America, and Jimmy is so tanked on Red Bulls he is practically tearing his clothes off in the studio. And then Paul does exactly what they told him to do and just goes nuts on that stage, like Joaquin-on-Letterman-level nuts, and it is so awesome and I will be bummed if America is stupid and sends him home.
And then the most amazing thing ever happens. The show ends early. EARLY. And Ryan has to streeeeeetch it, and he chats with the judges and he dances with the contestants, including the bump with Jacob and the do-si-do with Lauren and, man, this is so awesome and Glee is probably so mad that it was not supposed to be on right after. And finally, we’re done.
My bottom two are Scotty and Jacob. I will be wrong.
You know, I give Jacob credit for having some skill. But I cannot watch him. He makes my skin crawl. And most of the time, I do not like his 'dramatic renditions'. He's just...ugh. Yuck. Haley has awesome hair, but I am tired of her and I do not think she sounds all that great and you know, I saw sex kitten last night. Which just seems inappropriate to me, every time she does it. Which is everytime. Scotty...wow, he looked wierd last night. Best quote all night from Will.i.am: I'm brave and wearing purple! Because everyone else is wearing blue. Purple is close to blue, but you know!
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