Night 2 of Season 10 and we are in New Orleans, where we were in Season 4 (Bo Bice anyone?) when Ryan was young and thin and still ... human.
Speaking of human, I think Jennifer Lopez is not. I think she is from that planet that the show V is about, and that she is the alien charged with blinding the human race with her glowing dewy skin and ridiculous thick hair and outrageously long legs. While we are staring at all that (and I bet she smells really good too, you can always just tell) the rest of her species is bombing the crap out of the White House and annihilating Manhattan. Just a theory.
Anyway, the show is mercifully just an hour tonight, so we race through the Big Easy cliches and get right to Jordan Dorsey, music teacher.
The emphasis in the first two shows is definitely on the good singers, and if they happen to have an awesome sob story attached, well, as Jeff Buckley would say, Hallelujah. Jordan is a good singer who teaches piano to adorable tykes, and he sings Over the Rainbow perfectly and he is so going to Hollywood.
Then comes Sarah Sellers from Texas, she of the red dress and hot booties and librarian glasses and Steven Tyler lips. She knocks them out with subtlety. Bravo. Like her.
Jovany is Cuban, and a shipbuilder, and Snookie might call him gorilla juice. He is bursting out of his dress shirt. He will be the first one sacrificed to JLo's aliens. They like him and then the worst thing ever in the history of American Idol - and yes, that includes Kevin Covais - happens: Randy Jackson shows us his belly. Thank goodness the children were already in bed.
Speaking of Randy, young Jacqueline arrives with his high school yearbook, in which he looks like Linc from Mod Squad, and her uncle was his football coach and there's a reunion. She sings, I'll Stand By You, and they put her through. She won't last though. She's pretty in a Katherine McPhee way.
Then comes Brett, and I swear if I were a cynic I'd think Idol combed the south looking for this boy, he is Glee's Kurt come to AI, all Carrot Top hair and bad skin. He's the most outcast of all the outcasts, he's only 16, and if I did not know they had taped this long before Chris Colfer's Golden Globes speech last Sunday, I'd accuse them of plagiarism. But guess what? He can really truly sing. Oh, and guess who he sings? Freddie Mercury. Yeah, I'm sure that was his idea.
Gabriel has won Steven Tyler lookalike contests but to me he is Spencer from iCarly. He sings Bad Romance. Just like Spencer would've.
And then Jacee comes in, and I swear this has turned into a Very Special Blossom, because he's pudgy and round faced and 15-but-looks-12. And the judges tease him a little. Oh yeah? He's got some Otis Redding for them. Oh, and he sings like an angel. From heaven. Hello Hollywood.
Speaking of after school specials, our last contestant, Paris, is a lovely 23 year old single mother who went ahead with her pregnancy at 18 even though the doctors told her the baby had a birth defect. Mom can sing, little girl is adorable, JLo weeps (but I think the tears are a signal for the aliens to load up the ships) and we're done. 37 hopefuls added to Wednesday night's 54, and next week - I am not making this up - Milwaukee.
After 10 seasons of this show it's just all getting a little old. But as jaded as I am, I broke out in a huge smile when sweet little Jacee auditioned. Like Brett (and thank you, btw, for keeping track of their names...I'd have no clue) I can imagine that Jacee is probably not in the cool kid click at school and yet here he is, in front of J-Lo for cryin out loud, singing his heart out and just nailing his audition. Good for him. And I really like that they are putting more focus on the good auditions and less attention to the bad ones, finally.
ReplyDeleteDid you notice Steven Tyler referred to Jacee as "she"? Whoops! I was hoping the poor kid didn't notice... although then I wondered if he WAS a she.... figuring that Steven wouldn't blow that...a bit reminiscent of SNL's Pat, perhaps?
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